Dear President-Elect Trump,
Good job for a rookie thus far. I understand you’re used to some top-drawer stuff, but not sure anybody needs to spend $4 billion bucks for airplanes.
I also understand the need for creature comforts since the best revenge is living well. Can’t see the need for truly extravagant bathroom stuff. I do think you should have padded toilet seats, heat the little suckers if you can and always use the extra-soft paper.
That would go a long way to putting you in a good mood after a long night at the negotiating table with leaders foreign and domestic. Keep a really close eye on the domestic.
Another money-saving suggestion: I know you will be having an inauguration dinner and it will be a big deal. Seven kinds of everything and wines with every course. Might do well to have trash buckets located strategically since it wouldn’t look good to go the spittoon route. Those little suckers are hard to hit.
Consider instead just having a hamburger and hot dog dinner. You would need a few folks at the grills and you could have guests just walk by with paper plates and wander on past tables laden with the fixings. That way attendees would get what they wanted on the burgers and dogs and not what somebody who once read a book dictated.
Think about how much time this would save. Also, consider a ban on fancy dress codes. People can say what they mean in business-casual blue jeans much more comfortably than in those formal outfits. Should it come to fisticuffs, blue jeans are much cheaper to replace if you can’t wash out the blood.
In my limited experience with high-rolling dinners, nobody in his/her right mind attends those things for the food. If they do, they’re not the kind of people you want hanging around in the first place.
Back to my limited experience with high-rolling dinners. At Southeastern Oklahoma State University, which used to be Southeastern State College, we had something called the All-Sports Banquet. Attendance sorta dried up and finally someone figured out that athletes didn’t particularly want to put on suits and ties and have a sit-down dinner.
It was changed to the All-Sports Picnic and the rest is history. Still going strong.
All it really takes is some common-sense leadership and we could bundle up a few folks from here in Durant and Bryan County, Oklahoma, and loan them to you until you get your feet on the ground. It would have to be a loan since few real people would be interested in living in Washington, D.C. By the way, be wary of the corner at 8th and G streets.
Another thing: Beware of folks in tuxedos. Tuxedos were invented by someone who truly hated men. Right up there with someone who invented girdles for women. Talk about coverups.
Also, beware of four-letter words like stop, don’t, can’t, won’t. Find some people who have one reason something can be done instead of 72 reasons it can’t be done.
I know you have done lots of stuff in the business world. Built things where some worked and some didn’t. Thing is, you did that without taxpayer money and that’s refreshing. Some of us are really weary of footing the bill for fabulous vacations we don’t get to take.
Any leftovers from the burger and hot dog inauguration dinner, please donate to the school lunch program. We have some really cranky kids out here in the world and that would certainly help. Might think about redirecting the school lunch program to the halls of congress.
Nearly forgot: Make all meetings public with media coverage mandated. Also, all meetings should be held in the nude. That would eliminate the need for a dress code, make the meetings shorter and provide entertainment for the people, who are way overdue for some good entertainment.
As mentioned earlier, good job for a rookie.
Oh, yeah – Merry Christmas.
Harold Harmon is the retired Sports Editor at the Democrat and Sports Information Director at Southeastern. He currently works in University Communications at Southeastern.