I attended a local school, and as part of our grade in “home economics” or “bachelorhood survival skills for females” or whatever the title was for the course, we females had to plan our dream wedding.
The plan had to be packaged neatly and be complete with descriptions, the newspaper submission write up, a budget and pictures (of dresses, cakes, bouquets and the like. We didn't actually have to have the wedding.)
While I am a dreamer and a planner, not so much a doer, though, I considered the assignment to be one of those futile acts of learning that teachers sometimes put students through. I felt this way mainly because I hadn't met the man of my dreams, and while weddings are nice, I had bigger things to plan for.
While back in the day I believed that assignment to be a waste of my time, looking through the AP wire, I can see that others may have benefited from such a lesson.
The AP is carrying a story about a woman who held the world's record for length of time stayed in a glass cage with 3,400 scorpions marrying the man who held the Thai record for spending 28 days with 1,000 centipedes.
Obviously, these people had interesting hobbies, but the fact they agreed on the type of wedding they did proved they were meant to be together.
According to the story, the couple will wed in a group ceremony at Ripley's Haunted Adventure House wearing bloodstained clothes and will then consummate the wedding in a coffin.
I am pretty sure if I had turned in plans like that, no matter how nice the folder was, I would have failed. Seeing as how my grade in “home ec” was the lowest I received in all my years at school, I don't think I could have afforded the marks.
Where do people like that meet, you ask? That particular couple met at a snake farm while performing their “stunts.”
Oh, that's the place to find a “dream man.” Not only do I not hang out at snake farms, I also don't have any stunts to perform.
I fear that even if I did get to have that dream wedding that I submitted to the teacher all those years ago, it wouldn't live up to today's standards. The wedding would just be a blip in time, as there were no outlandish outfits, such as the bridal gown being a glow-in-the-dark space alien suit and the groom's clothing being made of a malleable metal representing the mothership, or vice-versa.
There was no “Snoopy Doggy Dog” music being performed, partly because Snoop was just a babe in the woods at that time. No spectacular feats were being performed in place of the preacher's sermons.
This brings to light two questions: Where have the quiet, simple and civil ceremonies of the past gone, and how come scorpion woman got to centipede man first?
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